Intersections – crossroads

The above title really made me think.

What is my crossroad or intersection? Cars and people are piling up behind me waiting and watching for me to make a move … yet I am stuck.
Frustrated, they toot as they go past. They pull faces and make rude gestures. In schooldays gone by we labelled behaviour like that as bullying behaviour.
I am caught in the “benefit trap”.
Just in case you have me pegged as unemployed or on some sort of sickness or domestic purposes benefit, it is not that sort of thing.
The benefit trap (or crossroad, or intersection) is that of staying in a job that is not entirely fulfilling. Its not where I really want to be, but the benefit of staying there outweighs that of finding somewhere else to work.
For if I leave and get another job, I am likely to go back to the minimum wage, which here in NZ is not a lot. Also the benefit of being in a job for a few years outweighs that of being the new person on the team, even though I am in a different department these days.
So at my intersection I face the same way – looking forward to more of the familiar . But there are three other choices for me as well.
I can move to the right where opportunities to live elsewhere abound. There is excitement and passion in that direction. There are friends waiting for me to make such a move.
To the left of me is a totally different path, yet its a little familiar. That of being a student once again, and continuing on with the chef training I began last year. That brings with it things like student loans, difficult financial circumstances, but the opportunity to stretch my brain a little more.
While I ponder, while I decide, I am really not moving at all. Sometimes I even find myself facing backwards and having to be literally ‘turned around’ so I can face forward again.
People are moving on all around me but the benefit trap has me bound.


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5 Responses to Intersections – crossroads

  1. Donald says:

    I’ve found in my life that what we perceive to be a big decision to make, in hindsight turns out to be not very significant, in relation to decisions made that we perceive at the time to be trivial.

    There have been countless times I’ve faced an intersection, and almost mentally tossed a coin as to which way. Many times the choice thus arrived at has changed my life.

    Many many times!

  2. Thanks for hitting my blog – I’ve also enjoyed yours! I hope you have great success this year with your postaday/week. I’ll be checking in to see how you are doing ! And I love the photo of you at your bakery place.

    • fantailnz says:

      Hi Deanna,
      Thanks for your comment. Interestingly enough, today I had a phone call from the Polytech saying I have been accepted into the course – the second year of the one I began last year. I had been put on the waiting list.
      Its amazing when we leave things to God – and trust Him to look after us. His timing is always perfect.

  3. fantailnz says:

    I am turning left. Going to be a student again this year. It will be interesting to see how my brain copes.
    However, this girl is moving again and “like a bird” has escaped and flown from the snare of the fowler. (Read your bible and find where that is from).
    Thank you for your support and encouragement.

  4. fantailnz says:

    It’s done! I’ve said yes and applied for a student loan.

    My home will buzz with a possible three other flatmates (just two confirmed so far).
    In two weeks I will get my knife case back out, dust off the edges and sharpen the blades. Shake out and iron my chef kit. Check out my folders and backpack.
    It will be time to reconnect with the ‘young ones’.

    Time to rattle the brain cells and see how much of last year’s stuff I remember. Mmmm, hope the info hasn’t got lost. Maybe I need to go through a ‘defrag’.
    I find I am actually quite excited about the whole deal.

    Ah, getting to attend a movie or event for cheaper than full price … a student card can be a valuable asset in my purse.
    I’m just not going to remember the days of baked beans (cos its all I could afford at the time), or days on end of cheese on toast! That can be the ‘flip side’ of student life.
    Living on less than a shoe-string? It’s going to be fun.

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